Great balls of fire

Yesterday, death by falling slate,

today, death by inadequate gas supply pipe diameter.

Yes, today's bloke announced with undisguised relish, 

'I'm afraid I've got bad news.

You've got 22 mm when you should have 28.

The boiler's only getting 13 millibars, when it needs 18

and if you're running the gas stove 

I wouldn't like to say how much it's getting.'

He then painted an apocalyptic picture

of foot high flames leaping from the gas stove

for reasons which now escape me,

and concluded,

'We're going to have to run a new pipe from your meter.'

He described how it was going to have to snake its unsightly way

through the garage and out across the flank wall,

finally descending to join the boiler at the rear of the house.

Then I remembered that twenty years ago

I had made provision 

for just such a disastrous scenario.

I had a trap door built into the floor,

so that the workings of the house 

could be accessed from below.

He seemed genuinely pleased about this revelation,

had a look,

then sent his son down.

'He's like a sewer rat he is,' he said proudly.

(The picture is terrible because I was suffering from

claustrophobia by proxy.)

So the good news is that there is enough room

to bring the pipe directly and invisibly

under the house to the boiler.

I await more bad news about how much this is all going to cost.