Wednesday 14 September 2011

Great balls of fire

Yesterday, death by falling slate,
today, death by inadequate gas supply pipe diameter.

Yes, today's bloke announced with undisguised relish, 
'I'm afraid I've got bad news.
You've got 22 mm when you should have 28.
The boiler's only getting 13 millibars, when it needs 18
and if you're running the gas stove 
I wouldn't like to say how much it's getting.'
He then painted an apocalyptic picture
of foot high flames leaping from the gas stove
for reasons which now escape me,
and concluded,
'We're going to have to run a new pipe from your meter.'
He described how it was going to have to snake its unsightly way
through the garage and out across the flank wall,
finally descending to join the boiler at the rear of the house.
Then I remembered that twenty years ago
I had made provision 
for just such a disastrous scenario.

I had a trap door built into the floor,
so that the workings of the house 
could be accessed from below.
He seemed genuinely pleased about this revelation,
had a look,

then sent his son down.

'He's like a sewer rat he is,' he said proudly.

(The picture is terrible because I was suffering from
claustrophobia by proxy.)

So the good news is that there is enough room
to bring the pipe directly and invisibly
under the house to the boiler.

I await more bad news about how much this is all going to cost.


  1. Obviously a boy scout in a former life, Lucille!

  2. I am afraid that the house is protesting because you are planning to abandon it after so many years of loyal service. You should have taken HR advice before telling it the bad news.

  3. Yet again, your choice of music has had me roaring with laughter. It's great that you can retain a sense of humour throughout all this. (Forgive me if you get this comment twice, Explorer decided to withdraw its services half way through).

  4. Now that's what I call well prepared! And how lucky that today's bloke's son could fit!! A workman once disappeared under my mother's floorboards only to have a Winnie-the-Pooh-in-Rabbit's-burrow-moment on his way out again ... that was a fun day ;D

  5. I bet it will cost 80 pounds. How about a cake sale to pay for it? Or a global Internet-based Guess the Weight of the Fruit-Cake contest?

  6. My OH had something similar done in the spring and the pipe goes almost all the way around the outside of the house, it looks dreadful. You obviously thought ahead, well done.