Infuriata*

I have spent a great deal of time

on the phone to various utility companies lately,

trying to put my affairs in order

and I have been forcibly reminded of the saying,

'Do as I say, not as I do.'

As far as possible be on good terms with all persons.

Now I know it's not your fault personally

but you represent the company 

and I have no one else to be exasperated with.

Do you know how long I have been hanging on?

Have you any idea how tedious it is 

listening to messages about you being so busy

and would I like to sit in a queue or call back later?

Exercise caution in your business affairs

for the world is full of trickery.

What do you mean there's a better package?

Why wasn't I told?

I know you have millions of customers -

 I am one of your most loyal and long standing -

so why was this package only available to new customers?

Oh it is available to me, but only if I ask for it.

Well how was I supposed to know to ask if you don't tell me?

Where do you publicise them, 

in the sports section of the in-house magazine?

Just how often am I supposed to check up on your new offers?

When did this superb new package get introduced?

You're not sure.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly

and listen to others.

LAST APRIL?

You had time to write to me to tell me 

of the new line rental increases.

You had time to tell me that I could get a small reduction 

if I paid up front for a year.

Why couldn't you write and tell me 

that I am the last poor sap on the planet 

paying through the nose for this discontinued tariff?

Can I have this marvellous new rate 

applied retrospectively?

No. I thought not.

In the noisy confusion of life

keep peace with your soul.

Well yes, I suppose you had better put me on it.

There's an additional discount today is there?

That's nice.

What do I have to do to qualify?

Tango up to your offices in a budgerigar costume?

So all my calls will be free will they?

Night and day?

It starts today?

And will there be a better offer tomorrow?

You're sure?

Cross your heart and hope to die?

Should I check?

Just in case?

No. That's all thank you.

No you can't help me with anything else.

I must ring the electricity people now.

I'm on a roll.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

* See Thursday

Woman on Phone 1995 - Ruth Addinall

But I had No Idea c. 1946 - Sheila Warr