VBP

Saying you're pleased with your haircut 

despite the deep inner sadness it's causing you.

Translating 'carpe diem' as 'treat yourself 

to a slightly more expensive loaf of bread'.

The childish urge to start entering your pin number 

before being prompted by the cashier.

Feeling embarrassed to have nicer food than the person 

behind you at the checkout.

Saying 'left' and 'right' at random,

rather than admit to the optician 

that all the lenses seem identical.

Looking at having your hands surgically removed

after waving at someone who was waving at someone behind you.

Subtly glancing at the luggage rack

to indicate to the person next to you that 

you're going to have to get up soon.

Standing ready to exit the train

a full ten minutes before your station.

Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train

before it's illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters

you have the situation in hand.

Feeling very uneasy while honouring a request for three sugars.

The moment of split second panic wondering if the automatic door

is going to open or not.

Expertly turning a trip into a gentle jog.

Locking yourself in the wardrobe
until you're certain that the window cleaner
has finished and left.

A few thoughts for you from
Very British Problems by Rob Temple
that had me snorkelling in recognition.