Friday 5 June 2009

The swing seat

'Wouldn't it be nice,' I said 
'to have a little swing seat in the garden this summer.'

So I ordered one online from a well known department store
 and booked a delivery date.
'Wait in from 7a.m until 2 p.m,' they said.

 It didn't come.

'We can't find it,' they said.
'It was sent from the warehouse but hasn't arrived at the depot. 
They've washed their hands of it. It happens all the time,' 
said one of the many customer services staff I hung on for while trying to trace it.

'It might arrive on Saturday if it's on a later trailer. Fingers crossed.
I've accelerated it for you.'

It didn't come.

'It should be here on Wednesday. Wait in from 2 p.m until 9 p.m.
We'll give you a 'financial apology' if you don't cancel it.'

I didn't cancel.
It came.

'It will take 55 minutes for two people to assemble it,' 
said the 10 page instruction booklet.

The diagrams were imprecise, 
but we're used to self assembly and stayed calm 
even when we had to disassemble the main frame.

It took 4 hours.

Here it is.

Every strut, bar, connector, rail, arm, leg, stretcher, support, panel, pole, bolt, screw, bracket, washer, nut, barrel nut, bolt nut, locker, hanging post, hook -
140 components in all,
wrestled and manipulated into position by our own poor ravaged hands.

Would anyone like to hazard a guess as to the weather forecast for the weekend?


  1. What a delightful little swing seat. It looks so simple and easy to put together too!
    I'm still waiting for a teapot from Amazon, ordered in March, it arrived in May, in very many pieces - maybe we should have assembled it ourselves? The kind delivery driver took it away again saying it was broken, and that was that!
    Have a swinging weekend, I hope it doesn't rain!

  2. Yes I think that was your basic error. It was clearly a flat pack teapot. All it needed was an Allen key and a little patience!

  3. 55 minutes is a curiously precise estimate! Are they sure they didn't mean 57 minutes?