Friday, 12 February 2016

VBP


Saying you're pleased with your haircut 
despite the deep inner sadness it's causing you.

Translating 'carpe diem' as 'treat yourself 
to a slightly more expensive loaf of bread'.

The childish urge to start entering your pin number 
before being prompted by the cashier.

Feeling embarrassed to have nicer food than the person 
behind you at the checkout.

Saying 'left' and 'right' at random,
rather than admit to the optician 
that all the lenses seem identical.

Looking at having your hands surgically removed
after waving at someone who was waving at someone behind you.

Subtly glancing at the luggage rack
to indicate to the person next to you that 
you're going to have to get up soon.

Standing ready to exit the train
a full ten minutes before your station.

Repeatedly pressing the door button on the train
before it's illuminated, to assure your fellow commuters
you have the situation in hand.

Feeling very uneasy while honouring a request for three sugars.

The moment of split second panic wondering if the automatic door
is going to open or not.

Expertly turning a trip into a gentle jog.

Locking yourself in the wardrobe
until you're certain that the window cleaner
has finished and left.

A few thoughts for you from
Very British Problems by Rob Temple
that had me snorkelling in recognition.

12 comments:

  1. Oh Lucille, recognition has transcended the great Atlantic Ocean. I was nodding and giggling at quite a few of these listed problems. Thank you for warming up a very chilly February morning. xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brilliant, you've made me laugh. Hope you have a good weekend. CJ xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. I can relate to one or two of those - especially the one about the window cleaner.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Making note of how to cope at the opticians. Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ironing every item we own while the plumber mended the shower because I couldn't just sit around reading the paper while he was working . Why not ? I'm old enough to be his Granny ...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I had no idea what VBP could stand for when I started reading but worked it out by the time I got to the opticians one which I admit to doing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'm chortling here. And I thought the opticians thing was just me!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Brilliant.

    One of my recent ones ..... sitting down watching tele with my lunch only for one of the workman to come in to use the toilet ..... and being SO relieved I was watching the more intelligent 'Only Connect' and not an episode of Loose Women ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love these. I also suffer from buying something I don't need in a small shop because I went in feeling vaguely supportive of the small shopkeeper, got chatting and couldn't find any way of leaving without paying for something.

    ReplyDelete