I am once again consulting
the Farrow & Ball paint chart.
At the moment it is a toss up between
Elephant's Breath and Churlish Green
for most off-putting name,
although Dead Salmon, Savage Ground
and Arsenic are close contenders.
'Paint it the colour of elephant's breath' was the instruction
Nancy Lancaster gave to a decorator.
She had previously specified such colours as
caca du dauphin and vomitesse de la reine.
But I won't be put off.
I'm sure I remember seeing it put to good effect
in Rachel's last house.